This ‘Cruel’ MIL Won’t Stop Harping On a Toddler’s Weight & Reddit Knows Just How To Respond

“He Used to Be Such a Good Eater”

Getting right into it, OP states that her mother-in-law is “always commenting on our toddler son’s weight… and how he doesn’t eat enough.” As an example, OP cites a recent trip where she, her husband, and their two-and-a-half-year-old son stayed with her husband’s family. For three days, she writes, “they nonstop talked about our toddlers eating habits and how he’s ‘so skinny.’” OP’s MIL “made comments like ‘he used to be such a good eater’” — and she notes that, by “used to,” her MIL is referring to when he was six or seven months old “and barely starting to even taste food.”

Her MIL even specifically asked if OP’s son was 40 pounds yet, “to which I replied I think he would be considered overweight if he weighed 40 pounds,” OP writes. After a Google search, OP confirmed that “an average child will weigh 40 pounds closer to four years of age.”

FYI: Her Son Is Totally Healthy

For clarity, OP notes that her son was born “very small,” weighing just five pounds, seven ounces at birth. These days he’s “super active, nonstop playing all day,” she writes. His pediatrician says his weight is average and “has never once showed concern regarding his weight/eating habits.”

OP’s MIL also makes these kind of comments every time OP and her husband take their son to her house (three or four times a month). “She never fails to comment that he’s ‘wasting away’ or every time she sees him he is much thinner than before.”

The “Health” Concerns Seem Disingenuous

OP just doesn’t buy that her MIL cares that much about her son’s health, and there’s a reason why. Every time OP’s MIL gets sick with the cold or flu, OP writes, her MIL will make big pots of soup and invite OP, her husband, and their son over to eat it. Last time this happened, OP — who, FYI, is seven months pregnant with their second child — was just getting over COVID. “Needless to say… I told my husband we wouldn’t be going over because I could not get sick again and I didn’t want our son getting sick either,” OP says. This part of her “rant,” OP adds, “is more to show that she really can’t be that concerned over our toddler’s health since she’s always doing stuff like the above.”

Setting the Boundaries

Now OP’s MIL is inviting them to a family event later this week, and while OP said she would go, her husband “sensed some lack of enthusiasm from me or just got the general feeling that I already wasn’t looking forward to it,” she writes. Her husband asked why she acts like this when events with his family come up, and OP “finally told him it’s because his mom will make me uncomfortable when we go to these events.”

Now, OP says, “my husband thinks I hate his mother,” and she doesn’t know how to ask her MIL to lay off the comments about her toddler’s weight without sounding like a jerk.

What Reddit Said

Reddit commenters agreed that OP isn’t the asshole in this case, and overall encouraged her to “hold that boundary,” as one commenter put it. “We have enough to worry about while raising tiny people without people butting in with unsolicited opinions.”

The top-ranked comment, with over 2.3K upvotes, gave OP some practical responses for the next time her MIL comments on the toddler’s weight. “Every time she does this, you say, ‘he was recently checked by his doctor and he’s at a perfectly healthy weight for his age and height.’ Repeat Every. Single. Time she says it.” If her MIL persists, the commenter says, “counter with facts. Remain calm and when you’ve had enough, take your kid and go outside to play away from her.”

One commenter pointed out that OP’s MIL doesn’t seem to even want a “rational explanation — she just wants to be cruel to you,” while others believed it should be OP’s husband taking the lead on this, since it’s his mom that’s making the comments. “HE needs to shut her down and it appears he doesn’t think she is doing anything wrong,” one person said. “Send the kid with him to her house and stay home a few times. See if her comments happen…I bet they stop if you aren’t there. Interesting how it is YOUR fault if the kid has any issues…Her son is the parent as well.”

Another Redditor pointed out that comments on children’s weight (and anyone’s weight, really) can be extremely damaging. “I was always called ‘skinny minnie’ and ‘skin and bones’ as well as other comments on my weight and it really sticks with you,” they wrote. “I have poor eating habits because of it. I think it’s very important your MIL stops commenting on your sons weight before he is old enough to understand and remember.”

Altogether, Redditors believed OP should stand firm by her boundaries and have a blunt conversation with her MIL, telling her that these pointless comments are not helpful and are just hurting OP (and, eventually, may hurt her son as well). While OP may want to be on good terms with her MIL to keep things peaceful in the family, it’s not fair to prioritize that over OP’s own mental health. Another good idea — OP talking to her husband. Their son has two parents, after all!